By James McNeil (Featured in July 2020 Issue #1 The Authors’ Porch Magazine)

Thought patterns

Little by little the stress crept up on me until at midnight, I was sitting at my desk with a bottle of sleeping pills prescribed to me. My thoughts were not focused on dying. My thoughts were focused on “going to sleep” long enough for the pain and stress to go away.

Giving up

First, I had to give up self-doubt and thinking critically of myself. Would you want to hang out with someone who talks the way you talk about yourself? Second, I needed to give up the tendency to criticize others, procrastinating, and trying to please others. All of these negative thought patterns needed to be broken.

Imposter Syndrome

I had to get out of my own head and realize that I was not an imposter for having difficulties. Nor were my struggles a sign of weakness. I was angry with myself for not achieving the goals I had set out to do by this time in my life. I needed to get over that anger. I needed to take a chance that, while yes, I could still fail, I was better off failing than staying put.

Transforming Your Mind

Every day, far too many people make a decision for a permanent end to a temporary problem. Two times I attempted this, and I almost did a third time in September of 2017. With the help of a dear friend, I began the process of overcoming the obstacles that had led to these thoughts, and I started to realize something.

I could take the lessons I was learning and write them down for others to (hopefully) learn the same lessons a little easier than I did. One by one, I wrote these lessons down. Some of the obstacles I had begun overcoming were impostor syndrome, anger issues, and the sad belief that I could not escape suicidal thoughts.

I had started to face these obstacles with the understanding that my friend had given me that night of September. He brought to mind a verse of scripture and had me read it. The verse he had me read was Ephesians 2:10. After reading the verse he asked me what makes a sword a masterpiece. This was not a random question. He knew my love of bladed weapons, and he was making a point.

I responded that a sword has to be made by a master to be considered a masterpiece.

He then replied by telling me that because God (the Master Builder) made me, I am a masterpiece.

That statement resonated with me and gave me the boldness to write Finding Your Personal Mission.